“You’re not exactly Superman, but you’re awfully available” is a line from one of my favorite movies. Is this your approach to dating? That if Mr. Right hasn’t come along, then you’ll just pass the time with Mr. Right Now? Let’s consider the following as we think about finding Mr. Right: Be who God wants you to be before looking for who God wants you to be with.
Be who God wants you to be
If you are working on your relationship with God, as we all should, and you think you’re ready to look for a relationship — pray about it! I often prayed God would give me a “sign” that I was going to marry one day, so that I wouldn’t “waste time” dating if marriage wasn’t his plan for me. God has not promised us marriage; He has promised to care for his children and save us eternally! We should pray “Your will be done” when we petition him about anything. Instead of praying for signs, you could instead pray “Lord, help me to be open to receiving what you have planned for me.”
The Bible wasn’t written just for married couples; it was written so individuals can know the Lord. It is up to you – as an individual – to know God’s word and learn His will for you. Sometimes a single woman may get caught up in not knowing what God wants for her because she has always wanted and planned to be married by a certain age or point in life. Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your path.”
Yes, it can test your patience when your timing and God’s timing are different, but his ways are so much better, and His plans always work out best! Don’t use singleness as an excuse for avoiding church work. Acts 9 and Acts 16 tell us about two women in the church who were known for their faithfulness, Dorcas and Lydia. They may have been married; they may have been single, but their marital statuses didn’t affect their work for the Lord! Galatians 5:22-23 tells all believers to bear fruit – love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Teach Bible classes, go on mission trips, live and work in a mission field, or perform local community service. Be a light in your workplace, your classroom, or at the gym. Learn to be content where you are at this very moment. God will use you!
Before looking for who God wants you to be with
If you want to find Mr. Right, it’s important to be serious about who you date. Maybe you’ve joined an online dating community and started chatting to some nice guys. Or maybe a friend set you up with a cute guy from work. Nice? Cute? Are these the main qualities you’re looking for in Mr. Right? There is nothing wrong with these attributes, but are they most important? Let’s consult God.
Consider what the Bible says about marriage. Some of you may stop reading right here and say, “I’m not getting married yet, I just want to date a good guy.” However, please keep reading. Every time you enter a new relationship — be it friendship or romantic — you invest time and energy. Even in friendship we offer up our hearts as we get to know someone and begin to trust them. You don’t want to give your heart to someone undeserving. And remember, if you do marry, you will marry someone you’ve dated. Hebrews 13:4 says, “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” God takes marriage seriously and so should we.
The Bible doesn’t specifically list characteristics of a good husband, but Ephesians 5:21-33 talks about marriage.
● Can you submit to the man you’re dating?
● Does he take care of you the way he takes care of himself?
● Can you respect this man?
While these traits may not be evident in the early stages of a relationship, they are certainly worth thinking about.
The Lord gives us qualifications for elders and deacons, and if these traits are important for the leadership of the church, they are also good traits for leading a family. Titus 1 says godly leaders are not stubborn, drunkards, or greedy. They should be slow tempered, hospitable, self controlled, disciplined, and love what is good. For the purpose of considering someone to date, these are a great start! Here are some other verses you might also consider: 1 Corinthians 13, 1 Corinthians 7, 1 Timothy 3, Luke 16:18
Reading the Bible
After reading these verses, you might make a list and decide what is most important to you. What attributes do you want to see in Mr. Right? What are your non-negotiables? When I was dating, I had a list of qualities written down. Among other things, I knew Mr. Right needed to be a Christian, a hard worker, and want children. The Bible doesn’t say a Christian must marry another Christian, but I knew I wanted to marry someone who could help me get to Heaven (1 Corinthians 15:33, Ecclesiastes 4:12).
As you’re reading the Bible, ask God to help you see your own weaknesses. It can be a tremendous blessing to find a Mr. Right who can help strengthen you in areas where you are weak. Ask God, “What should I look for in a spouse? Am I in a position to look for a spouse?” “God, should I accept a date with the new guy at work?” If you’ve determined that you don’t want to date non-Christians, don’t accept a date with your new coworker until you know him better. Pray to God that he will help you be content in whatever situation you find yourself.
Focus on yourself and be who God wants you to be before you go searching for a mate. Read the Word, pray, and act on His Word. Dating Mr. Right Now may be tempting because he is easy to find, but don’t let convenience determine who you date. Stick to your priorities and don’t settle for someone who doesn’t respect what is important to you!
I’m thankful to be married to my Mr. Right, Ethan, and stay at home with our son. It took me 31 years to meet Ethan but worth every minute! I enjoy cooking, reading and long hot showers in my limited spare time.